Stress is stress is stress…

Stress can do awful things to a body. But did you know your body sees all stresses the same? Good stress (eustress) and bad stress (distress)…they all have the same effect.

In the last couple years, I’ve had most of the major life events happen in very close succession. My marriage took a nosedive. I got separated, I had a job change (lost one job and found another, but had a few weeks in between), my father had a heart attack, I moved out of the house, I started dating, and finally the divorce. All the while, my children were having behavior issues. And there was drama in my family.

So even with the positives, my body still wasn’t sure what to do. Starting to date can be scary, and I’m thankful I had the opportunity to start dating someone I already knew – a friend from high school. Thank you social media for keeping us in touch! I guess that was my version of online dating? 😉

Moving out on my own was scary, but it was nice to have a place of my own. Having the opportunity to put things where I wanted, eat when I wanted, exercise when I wanted, do things with the kids on our own time when they were with me. But I don’t have my kids all the time. And that SUCKS! I went from full time mom to part time mom, and that’s my least favorite of all! But I digress…

My mojo started fading, even with all the exciting good things that were happening. I started gaining weight, I got injured – a lot, I found it hard to get up and exercise. After months of looking for a house, I finally found one, and I started moving in this past weekend – yay!! And that’s an entirely different post…BUT I feel awful that I haven’t been able to do much for the moving. Because I’ve been SICK!

I started getting sick before Christmas. Pretty sure I had the flu, despite getting the flu shot back in October. I started feeling better and got to enjoy most of Christmas. Then I went back to work and this past weekend started getting really sick again! So I fall asleep on the couch and can’t help unpack. I sleep many hours of the day. And the cough and head congestion won’t stop. And I’ve had it! But it’s not through with me yet. Because even the good stress of moving into my own home and out of an apartment is still stress. And my body is still revolting. This too shall pass, right?

God helps those who help themselves…

Whether you believe in God or not, most people believe there is something bigger than us. Since I was raised in the church, I’ll refer to this higher power as God, but feel free to substitute the word of your choice (in your head) as you read this.

I had a lovely conversation with a patient and his priest today. The priest offered to step out but the patient and family invited him to stay. We talked about his symptoms and diagnosis and treatment. And as I was about to leave, he says to me, “Now I’ll ask you the same question we {pointing to the priest} were just discussing…Why?” Meaning, why did he get injured and end up in the hospital. That’s always an interesting question to try to answer.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Often we don’t know the reason, or it may show itself much later. So we discussed this, and we were all in agreement that we may never know. Then I threw out another option. “Maybe this happened to force you to slow down because you’re always going and going and don’t know how to ask for help”… well there’s a concept. His priest pointed at his nose as if to say “you nailed it”. You see, this man is in his 80s and still acting as if he’s in his 20s. That’s not to say that he CAN’T do everything anymore, but maybe he SHOULDN’T. Remember the old saying “It takes a village”? Well, back in the day, no one person was expected to do everything. The village came together to get things done. These days we’re all trying to do everything ourselves, and we get down on ourselves if we can’t do it all. But we weren’t MEANT to!

Yes, there’s a phrase, “God helps those who help themselves”, but that doesn’t mean we have to do it ALL ourselves. Maybe we just need to find the help we need, or accept the help that is offered. For years I tried to do it all. I thought I HAD to. I felt there was no other option at times. And I pushed myself to the limit. And I burned out. These days I’m trying to be more accepting when help is offered. I’m trying to NOT do it all myself. Because I’m trying to honor myself. What if we all did that a little more. What if we could rely on each other like we’re meant to. Maybe health issues wouldn’t have to come along to force us to slow down. Now, there will always be job security for me, because that’s not really what causes illness…but what if?

To post or Not to post…that is the question

Do you remember the days of 35mm film, or did I just age myself?

I was in a conversation the other day where we were talking about the pros and cons of digital vs 35mm photography. Which do you prefer?

Back in the days of 35mm, you couldn’t see what you just took a picture of. It may not be perfect. (Bite your nails and pray that at least ONE picture turned out!) You had 24, maybe even 36 chances to get a picture of what you wanted, then you had to take the roll of film out of the camera, take it to the drug store, and wait about a week to see what turned out. You could ask for duplicate prints if you wanted to share. And there were times I got duplicates of fuzzy pictures with not a single photo I could use, and nothing to show for my day with the camera. I also had a time where we learned we were about 25 feet from a giant bull moose in the mountains when we opened the door of our tent as the sun was starting to come up. My flash went off and all that turned out in the picture (weeks later) was the reflection of the flash off the moose’s eyes…two little yellow dots with a black background. Ugh!

You also had to be careful not to let the film get too hot or cold, or get exposed to light, and you better take care of those negatives in case you wanted to reprint something or get something enlarged! And those precious photos you took went directly into a hard cover album so you could share them and keep them forever, regardless if they were “perfect”.

Fast forward to today – we all have digital cameras, or even better, our phones! We snap as many pictures as we want and then proceed to stare at the camera or phone for a while (even in the presence of our friends or family) to choose the perfect images. And if everyone wasn’t smiling in the picture? Well, delete that one and start over. Candid shots? A thing of the past. Why actually GET candid shots when you can MAKE it look candid? And how about those precious hundreds of photos on your phone? Are you going to print them and put them in a photo album? Oh HELL no, just post the few perfect ones on social media and move along. But keep the 1000s of photos right there on your phone, because you can just get a memory card to keep them or, better yet, buy more storage on your device so they can continue to sit there forever.

And how “real” are those photos you post? You make sure the lighting is just right, everyone’s smiles are perfect, the hair is just right, suck the gut in, stick the boobs out…there you go, post THAT one! Success! Now you look just like the cover of that magazine you passed by earlier in the day. Because heaven forbid you post the picture that has a shirt on the floor behind you, or a hair out of place, or you catch someone mid-laugh with that real twinkle in their eye. And heaven forbid you post a picture without makeup, or a bra, and that sweaty workout selfie? Fix your ponytail first so it’s straight. Pull your top straight so your rolls don’t show…

What’s the point to all of this? We’re all striving for some form of “perfect” that doesn’t exist. My perfect and your perfect likely aren’t the same. You and I probably don’t drink the same adult beverage. Maybe you don’t even drink an adult beverage – gasp! For years I posted only “perfect” images. My ex and I would pose for several selfies (because who asks a STRANGER to take a picture for you anymore?) while on “date night”, while we kept checking our watches to see if it was too early to pick the kids up from their “parents night out” activity, because we apparently couldn’t figure out what to do as a couple for the whole 4 hours of their activity. Perfect happy couple? Of course! Don’t these smiles show that everything is perfect? The best real smiles we had were back in 35mm days when we stared at each other dreamily. Sure we had more recent real smiles, but it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies either.

And my workout photos? I had my remote on my write and I could take video after video or photo after photo, then would spend the next 10 minutes (my “cool down”) sorting through to find the ones where my belly rolls didn’t show, my granny arms weren’t evident, I didn’t have a goofy look on my face…and I would post the best. Now I post the goofy ones. Because those are real. And sometimes when my kids are working out with me, they do the most adorable things, and there’s no way I could delete those videos or pictures just because I don’t look perfect. Those are the ones I have to share, because they’re precious. Real life is precious. We should post more of that.